We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
