Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
