God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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