I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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