everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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