I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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