just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
