I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
