I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
