so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
