Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
