Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
