you didnt know i had herpes?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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