Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yo dont text me then not text me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
