like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
