I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
