my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
