Non-Jews are for practice
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
bring money and cleavage
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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