Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
