I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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