Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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