What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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