the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
