trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
