I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
