So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
