everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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