you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Someone shattered a urinal.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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