Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
