I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
