We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
