So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
