"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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