i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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