Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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