Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
