So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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