Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
