Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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