apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
