I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
