My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
