After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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