the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
