So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
