A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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