rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
