just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
