I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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