I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
