omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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