Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My vagina is officially offended.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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