On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
